


I'll face all of my fears for you

by Alexander_Wesker



Series: Sanely Insane [2]
Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: (Not his fault though), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, And yes it's a date though none of them realize it, BAMF Jeremiah Valeska, Bruce and Jeremiah are so oblivious to their own feelings that it hurts, Bruce is unintentionally enabling Jeremiah's obsessive thoughts, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gotham's Carnival of Dreams, He'd do anything for Bruce anything, Intrusive Thoughts, Jeremiah's idea of a perfect date is bringing Bruce to a Carnival, Light Angst, M/M, Oblivious Bruce Wayne, Oblivious Jeremiah Valeska, Obsessive thoughts, Pre-Slash, Protective Jeremiah Valeska, Soft Jeremiah Valeska, the One Bad Spray never happened, though he wasn't dosed by the gas that doesn't make him perfectly sane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:00:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28035066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexander_Wesker/pseuds/Alexander_Wesker
Summary: The last time Bruce went to a carnival with a Valeska, well it wasn’t a good experience, but Jeremiah has asked him, and his dear friend never asks him for anything, after all with Jerome dead and most of his cult behind bars, …what could go wrong?
Relationships: Jeremiah Valeska & Bruce Wayne, Jeremiah Valeska/Bruce Wayne
Series: Sanely Insane [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2046725
Comments: 6
Kudos: 60





	I'll face all of my fears for you

After the whole ordeal with Jerome’s Cultists at the Event for the presentation of Jeremiah’s generators, the engineer had disappeared for a week.

_An entire week_ _where_ _no-one, not even his proxy, could contact him in any way._

And while, in part, Bruce understood Jeremiah’s need to stay alone, after all that had happened, he was worried for his friend. As he knew what dwelling too much in the thought of the life, or lives in Jeremiah’s case, that you have taken was detrimental to one’s health, especially if he had passed all that time completely alone in his maze, isolated from the rest of the world once again, with only those kind of thoughts to keep him company.

Bruce just hoped that Jeremiah wasn’t thinking of himself as nothing more than Jerome’s shadow, just for what fear and panic had made him do. Bruce wanted to be able to talk to his friend, to reassure him, to be there for him, but Jeremiah wouldn’t take his calls, and wouldn’t open the doors of his maze, so Bruce couldn’t do anything, but wait and hope that Jeremiah was alright.

He was so worried and frustrated by the fact that he couldn’t do a thing to make this better, that he had almost let his frustration turn into anger directed to Captain Gordon for having been so cold with Jeremiah while the poor man was still in shock, he was just a step away from faulting Jim for Jeremiah’s retreat into voluntary  seclusion.

Of course he didn’t, managing if barely to not go that far, he could understand why the Captain had acted that way, it had been just an instinct in seeing  _that face_ covered in blood, seeing that without his glasses and with his hair all messed up, Jeremiah did look strikingly similar to his nightmare of a brother.

Yet there was a part of Bruce that even with that understanding didn’t want to excuse Jim Gordon for how he had acted, because Bruce had also faced Jerome, more than once in fact, and he was still able to see how different he and Jeremiah were, even when Jeremiah looked like a mirror image, no, not a mirror image more of an imperfect reflection that had been somewhat stopped in time, of his dead brother. And if he was able to see that, he couldn’t understand how nobody else couldn’t.

Jim would have arrested Jeremiah, Bruce saw that in his eyes, in the way he had been standing tensely as if he was waiting for Jeremiah to stop looking so shocked and start laughing as his mad brother would have done. He  didn’t have the barest hint of a doubt that Jim would have arrested him if it weren’t for the people around them, still half in shock but all completely unharmed,  that had started to talk about  _how brave, how heroic,_ Jeremiah had been, putting his own life in danger to protect them from the madmen that had taken them hostage.

As Bruce mused on all of this his phone rang, he almost ignored it, thinking that it must have been Jim, it wouldn’t be the first time that he tried to call him this week, but then he noticed the ID of the caller and immediately, picked it up.

“Jeremiah!” he exclaimed, instead of saying the customary ‘ _hello_ ’, and realizing that his tone almost sounded harsh with all the pent up worry and fear for his best friend well being, he quickly followed with a: “how are you? Are you alright?”  
  
A strained chuckle was the answer to his question and that sound made him tense up. “I… I’m fine, Bruce. I’m sorry if I made you worry, I...I just needed some time to think.” 

That was all that Bruce needed to relax again, chasing away the feeling of uneasiness that that chuckle had brought up. “I understand, Jeremiah, there is no need for you to apologize. Honestly, if I had been in your situation I’d do the same.”

Another chuckle. “If I may, I honestly doubt that. I  cannot imagine you hiding in your manor for a week, you  would have probably faced reporters and police alike with your head held  up and with courage, which is something I have a serious lack of.”

“You...Do you really think that you aren’t courageous?” Bruce asked incredulously, surprised by his words, _did Jeremiah really think that he wasn’t brave? After what he had done?_ Facing his own brother’s cultists even though he knew that they wanted him dead. “You faced those men, you let them focus on you so that they wouldn’t hurt anybody, you fought them. If anything you looked… _fearless_.”

“You make it sound like I’m some kind of hero, Bruce. I was… _terrified_ , I’m not even sure about how I managed to to half of what I did then, yet I did it, because…” Jeremiah’s voice faded away in a perfect silence, so perfect that Bruce had to move his phone slightly to check if the call was still going as he thought that it had been ended, it wasn’t. “I’m sorry if I worried you by disappearing like that for a week. In fact I kind of thought of something to make up for it. Of course, you don’t have to accept, I’ll understand if you don’t, you have every reason to be upset with me-”

“I’m not upset, Jeremiah. And you don’t need to make up for anything” Bruce said letting Jeremiah move the conversation to what was so evidently bothering him, his voice soft and soothing, interrupting Jeremiah’s worried ramblings. “But if you feel like you do, I’m not opposed to see what you were thinking about” he added, hoping that Jeremiah could hear his smile even though he knew that it was impossible.

There was a little pause, before Jeremiah spoke up again. And yes, apparently one could hear a smile for Bruce was certain from the sound of his voice that Jeremiah was, in fact, smiling. “Alright…, I’ll be at the manor in two hours, of course if you don’t have any previous engagements, if you do. I can reschedule everything…”  
  
“No need to worry, I’m free.” Another little smile bent Bruce’s lips “Though I’ve to say now I’m quite curious about what you are planning.”  
  
“It’s a surprise. I think you’ll like it.” this was all that Jeremiah said in response, making Bruce even more curious. An unprompted thought presented itself on Bruce’s mind about how endearing, Jeremiah was when he felt unsure, it was so different from his usual  demeanour , that slight but present assertiveness that Jeremiah never even noticed to display when he was talking about his projects, basically drawing all the attention, commanding it simply by how sure and unapproachable he appeared to be. Bruce sent that thought away by focusing only on the conversation happening right now.

“I think I will, you do know me well after all.” Bruce said “I’ll see you in two hours then.”  
  
Jeremiah confirmed it, ending the call only after a ‘ _See you soon, Bruce_ ’, that was said in such a soft tone that Bruce wasn’t even sure if Jeremiah had meant for him to hear it.

* * *

Jeremiah arrived at the manor exactly on the mark of the second hour passed since the phone call he had had with Bruce, as he didn’t know what was more courteous. And didn’t want to accidentally offend Bruce by arriving too early.

And while Ecco had tried to reassure him, that in fact it was perfectly alright to arrive some minutes before, Jeremiah didn’t want to risk it.

He wanted his surprise to be flawless, and to make up to Bruce for his complete disappearance.

As he had told to his friend he had just needed sometime alone to think, and re-think about what had happened at the Event. And if it was normal that he wasn’t feeling any form of guilt for taking those lives,  he was almost completely sure that it wasn’t. But those…  _men_ had put Bruce in danger, so he didn’t see  anything to feel guilty about. 

Also he wanted sometime away from the spotlight, and from Gotham gossip mile, and he was, also, kind of hiding away in the hopes that Captain Gordon wouldn’t try to contact him directly, after he had given his testimony for what had happened and why he had done what he had done.

He couldn’t bear to be looked down by that man again, it had made him feel like he was no more than a low criminal, the likes of his mad twin, and that was even worse than being mocked by a crazy madman with a rifle, being compared to that good-for-nothing psychopath.

Jeremiah took a deep breath, pushing all the anger and displeasure down. He was to meet Bruce, no need to let old emotions ruin that. He took another deep breath for good measure, letting the though of Bruce, of being in his  presence again, wash over him, chasing away all the emotion he was feeling till now,  replacing them with that good, warm, indistinct feeling, that he had come to associate with Bruce’s  presence . 

Feeling now much better and more level-headed. He went to ring the bell, then waiting for Bruce’s butler, Alfred Pennyworth if he remembered correctly, to open the door.

To his surprise it was Bruce that opened it, smiling at him, bright and warm. Leaving him at a loss for words.

He had never saw Bruce smile like that, never.  _Was he really that important for him?_

_Of course he was, Bruce had even called him his best friend. Of course he was important to him, just like Bruce was important for him_ .

Bruce invited him inside, and Jeremiah accepted. Talking with Bruce, answering his questions and reassuring him, reassuring him that he ‘ _really was fine_ ’, all of that while his mind was still hanging at the image of Bruce’s warm smile.

He looked so…  _pretty_ , smiling like that.

It made Jeremiah want to protect him even more, to shield him from anything that could try to hurt him.

_It made him want to lock him up in his maze where he was sure that he_ _would_ _be safe and sound, where nobody but him would have the possibility to interact with him._

_Bruce was so sweet, so precious, no-one had the right to talk to him beside Jeremiah himself, the others would try to taint his purity. But if he could lock him up, he’d never have to be afraid of that, he-_

Jeremiah stopped abruptly, not realizing that he had also stopped moving, when he realized what kind of downward path his thoughts had taken. 

_What the hell was that? Lock Bruce up in his maze? He would hate him if he was to try and do that, and… that wasn’t right. A normal person wouldn’t think of locking someone else up somewhere…_

“Jeremiah?” 

“… uhm… Yes?” He asked trying to sound perfectly normal even as though he was profoundly disturbed by his own thoughts. _Again, what the hell had been that?_

Maybe he should go back to his maze, he wasn’t in the right shape to pass to much time with Bruce, not if his thoughts spiraled like that.

“Is something bothering you?” Bruce asked, worry evident in his brown eyes. “You don’t have to tell me but if you want I’d be glad to listen to you.”

Jeremiah pushed all those dark, disturbing thoughts in the back of his mind, and tried to give Bruce a small smile. “Not really… just some thoughts that don’t want to go away.”

Bruce gave him another smile, but this one was…  _sadder_ , not as if he had caught his half-truth, but more as if he understood something, that he was in some way ashamed of. “I know what you are going through” Bruce said, his eyes looking down on the reddish carpet that covered the dark wood parquet, his voice barely above a whisper. “I know what it means to have… these thoughts, that just stay there, that you can’t force out of your head even if you want to. Even if they scare you… But you  can do  nothing  to chase them away… nothing seems to be able to drown them. I… I know, Jeremiah.”

Then as he was saying his name, Bruce raised his eyes and meet his own. And Jeremiah felt the urge to just envelope him in his arms and never let him go, Bruce shouldn’t look that sad, not when  he was with him,  _not ever_ ! So Jeremiah listened to that urge, and embraced Bruce, tight.

Bruce stilled, tensing for a moment, before relaxing in his arms, hugging him back.

Jeremiah felt as if his heart were to leap out of his chest at any given moment, for how fast it was beating. He had never felt…  _this_ , whatever it was. This feeling of warmth and belonging, as if being here was the rightest thing he’d ever done.

They remained so, silently hugging each other for a long while, to Jeremiah it felt like hours and at the same time like it had passed too little time when they divided.

“I did not want to bring you down, Bruce. It was the least thing I wanted to do.” He said, his voice just above a guilty whisper.

“You didn’t, it wasn’t your fault.” Bruce said, quickly trying to soothe his worries. “That was a dark moment for me, I don’t have fond memories of it. And I don’t want you to feel like you are alone, as I felt. I’m here for you, always. If you want me to be.”

“I would like it… sometimes my mind goes to such dark places that I… I cannot even understand from where those thoughts came from.” Jeremiah confessed, though keeping the nature of his thoughts unspoken. Then a thought unprompted flashed in his mind, and he unconsciously voiced it: “Maybe Jerome was right about me…”

“He wasn’t” Bruce interjected immediately, his voice firm and filled with conviction that Jeremiah couldn’t not believe him. “He was wrong about you, Jeremiah. He just saw you as the reflection of him which you aren’t.”

For a long moment, Jeremiah remained silent, in awe of the belief that Bruce held in his regards, of how much the other believed in him. Then he smiled, soft and warm. “Thank you, Bruce.”

Bruce just smiled back to him. Holding one of his hands as he guided him through the manor.

  
Jeremiah said nothing letting the other guide him, a fuzzy sense of happiness filling him and making him feel weightless.

Bruce brought him in his(once his father’s) office.

And even with how distracted Jeremiah was, by Bruce’s hand holding his own, by feeling so completely understood, he couldn’t help but notice how strangely cozy even with the elegant and grand Gothic elements such as: the high pointed windows, the substantial height of the ceiling and the details like the  boiseries made in wood in the lower part of the walls; the room felt, it was almost an oxymoron, how a room built in such a way to inspire greatness and distance felt the exact opposite.

“So… what were you planning?” Bruce asked him, that little smile back on his lips as he invited him to sit on one of the couches that were near the fire place.

Jeremiah’s mind took some moments to reconnect enough for him to understand what Bruce was asking. “I wanted to invite you to come with me at the Carnival of Dreams…? It’s back in town.” he said.

And maybe it was the slight darkening of Bruce’s expression or his frown but Jeremiah suddenly was remembered of the Night of Terror, the night were his twin threw Gotham into chaos and darkness, and… kidnapped Bruce to bring him to… the Carnival of Dreams that his followers had transformed into a nightmare….

_Oh, God. He was an idiot…_

_How could_ that _have completely flown over his head?_

_Of all the fucking places that he could have thought of…_

“I’d love to” Bruce’s voice once again brought him back to reality. 

“You… would?”

“Of course. Though you’ll have to give me a minute to take my coat, the air is a bit chilly this evening.” 

Jeremiah smiled, softly a barely there curve of his lips. “Take you time, Bruce. There is no need to rush.”

* * *

As the Carnival of Dreams approached, or well to be correct they approached the Carnival, Bruce couldn’t stop himself from thinking about the fact that he had been… shocked by Jeremiah’s invitation.

He’d never taken the engineer for the type to like loud places as a Carnival. He had always appeared more the type for more silent kinds of entertainment, maybe a museum, or a private tour of the city. 

Though he quickly changed his mind when they actually entered the Carnival.

Jeremiah fitted right in with the colors, his slightly glittery purple-blue suit(detail that Bruce had just noticed) and viridian green tie, his fiery red hair and emerald green eyes, it was almost like he was meant to be there.

Like this was actually the place were he should have always been, and while he was more subdued in character, still he stood out from the normal folks walking around.

“So, Bruce, what do you want to do first?” Jeremiah asked, his voice had a note in it that Bruce had never heard before, he sounded freer, happier than usual. And that was all that Bruce needed to keep at bay the memories of ‘ _What do ya say, Brucie? Wanna have some fun before the main event?_ ’, of that voice so similar yet not, raspier and crueler and emerald eyes empty of any trace of humanity and filled with a fiery deranged rage, where Jeremiah’s voice was soft and smooth, like words wrapped in silk and his eyes were oh, so kind.

“I’m not sure. I’ve never really be to a Carnival before” Bruce confessed, Jeremiah looked at him with a mix of fondness and feigned shock.

“Oh? That won’t do, Bruce! That won’t do.” he said so cheery that it was like the ambient around them was influencing him, making him more… _more theatrical_ , but in a way that made Bruce almost smile instead of bringing back bad memories. “I’ll have to show you around then” he added, going to hold his hand, a chuckle left his lips as he brought him to a booth.  
  
And Bruce just prayed that Jeremiah wouldn’t notice how people had basically let them pass, dividing like the waters of the Red Sea for Moses, as soon as they heard Jeremiah’s chuckle.

He didn’t appear to notice luckily, as he merrily talked to the booth operator to have his try at the game, which was a simple game of Ring Toss.

“Do you want to try, Bruce?” Jeremiah asked him, as he took one of the three rings that had been handed to him.

“Not really… I don’t have the best aim.” Bruce muttered in answer.

“We have three tries, so don’t worry.” Jeremiah said, handing him one of the plastic rings. Bruce took it, and actually tried his best, as Jeremiah whispered to him the best way to actually get the ring on the peg, though as he thought the ring just ended up falling off.

“See… I told you” Bruce said, 

“Well… then I’ll win you a prize. Choose what you want.” Jeremiah said, his smile still on his lips if slightly wider as he took one of the remaining two rings, tossing one without much flair and managing to get it to actually fall on the peg, and same for the second one.

They left the booth with a key-chain that had a little heart with ‘Carnival of Dreams’ written on ad a little plushy-bear on the side.

“Don’t let that sadden you. The game was rigged.” Jeremiah said, holding his hand as he looked around for their next game.

“It was?”  
  
“Yeah, the first row of pegs was just a tad to big for the ring to fit there. The second was much better. He probably did it just to pass under the cops’ radar so that they thought that it followed regulation.” Jeremiah explained. “It’s the oldest trick in the book.”

“How did you…?”  
  
Jeremiah turned his head to him, his eyes looked darker, and he appeared to be looking at him and yet not at all. “The Haly’s had some booths even though it was more of a circus than a carnival. Though I guess Owen didn’t care about the difference and just wanted more money.” 

Bruce just nodded, not knowing how to answer. He had actually forgot that, for the first part of his life, Jeremiah had lived in the circus with his family.

“Can we go buy some popcorn? Or maybe cotton candy?” Bruce asked, trying to distract Jeremiah that was still staring at him with that unnerving dark stare, that made him more similar to his brother than Bruce wanted to admit.

Strange how, even here, he hadn’t thought about Jerome until now, until Jeremiah’s eyes had darkened in that familiar way.

“Uh? Oh, yes of course, dear Bruce. This is your night after all!”

Again people just moved out of their way when they walked, some even paled. Were they really so unable to see that this wasn’t  _him_ , luckily Jeremiah hadn’t seem to notice it, or if he did he was ignoring it quite well.

“… No need to pay, sir. This is on the house for… _you_ ” the voice of the vendor brought Bruce back to reality, he had apparently told Jeremiah what he wanted even when being basically lost in his own head, as the redhead had a striped back filled with buttered popcorn. 

“Oh? Are you sure?” Jeremiah asked, seemingly confused by the vendor refusal of his payment.

“Sure as death, sir.” the man answered, and there was a kind of awe in his eyes, that was incomprehensible. _What…_

_Oh, oh, oh!_   
  
“We, we should go” Bruce said, actually tugging on Jeremiah’s sleeve with his free hand.

“Bruce?” 

_Oh, come on! Jeremiah wasn’t that clueless, he surely had noticed that._ _How_ _the man was looking at him like he was Christ reborn._

He should have noticed it…  _unless he thought that the awe was directed to him, instead that to_ _himself_ . 

“I’ve seen something that seems interesting, can we go there?” he asked, lying but it was better than remaining near someone that was almost certainly one of Jerome’s Maniax.

“Oh? Alright.” Jeremiah said, still too uncharacteristically clueless. “Thank you for the gift.” He said to the vendor before finally going away from there.

Bruce sighed in relief.

“You didn’t actually see something, did you?” Jeremiah asked, his tone lower than before, barely audible over the noise as Bruce tugged him away from the vendor and away from prying eyes.

“No, not really.” Bruce answered. “But I noticed how the vendor was looking at you, he was one of Jerome’s Maniax… I’m sure of it, he must have…”  
  
“What? Mistaken me for my brother?” Jeremiah said, interrupting him, voice cold yet strangely nonchalant “He wouldn’t be the first, people are basically looking at me like I’m a monster since we have got here.”

“You noticed?” Bruce asked, shocked by the fact that Jeremiah had fooled him with the way he had acted, clueless, just concerned with making sure that this outing of theirs was as good as he could make it. 

“Of course, I did. It’s difficult not to, when even the operator at the Ring Toss booth was, practically, shaking as he gave me the rings.” Jeremiah answered. “I just ignored them… I was trying to make this… _good for you_. To help you make good memories…But I failed.”

“You didn’t. I was having fun…” 

“You were?”

“Would I ever lie to you?” Bruce asked serious yet with a hint of a smile.

Jeremiah didn’t answer, not immediately, but that was less of a show of mistrust and more of an apparent speechlessness that had took hold of his usually eloquent friend. Another moment passed. “No, you wouldn’t.”

Jeremiah had pronounced those words with the same certainty that he reserved for his projects and plans. And Bruce almost didn’t know how to react to that show of trust. 

  
_Because what else could that be? Jeremiah believed him, over everything even with his paranoia, and his innate instinct of always await for betrayal or things going for worse. Jeremiah believed him, trusted him_ .

Bruce took hold of Jeremiah’s free hand, he didn’t flinch away from his touch, instead looking just confused by the suddenness of his gesture. “Maybe we could go to the Ferris  Wheel , what do you think Jeremiah?”

Jeremiah cocked his head to the side, confused. “…  That is a sudden change of topic…”

“It is. But it suddenly occurred to me that I’m at an outing with my very best friend, who usually prefers to stay in his underground maze… And I really want him to enjoy his first time out with as little worries as possible,” he explained.

“But what if that man is actually one of the Maniax?” Jeremiah asked, nervousness clear in his emerald eyes, that freer, happier, almost cheery, attitude that Jeremiah had displayed until a few minutes ago, slowly leaving place to the nervous, overly cautious, almost overtly paranoiac bearing that Bruce was more familiar with.

Bruce took a half-step closer to Jeremiah, forcing his gaze to focus on him instead of on the many possibilities of demise that he knew Jeremiah’s mind was starting to conjure up. “ Then we’ll take care of him if needed be, or, you know, we could call the police. We don’t have to be heroes tonight.  We can be just two normal guys having fun  together . “  
  
Jeremiah remained silent, nodding slowly as he took some deep breath, most certainly to calm down the anxiety that had flared up at the scenarios that his mind had brought forward. “I… I can try.”

Bruce held Jeremiah’s hand just a little tighter, a comfortable pressure to keep the engineer’s mind away from falling into its own traps. “That’s all I could ask for.” Bruce said as he slowly started walking out of the mostly hidden place he had found, so that they could join in the crowd again, Jeremiah following right beside him. “I’ll be here, for each and every step of the way. Till you’ll want me to.”  
  
And surely it had been something overheard, that he just mistaken the origin of, because Bruce could swear that he heard Jeremiah whisper  in response to his words : “ _Then it’s forever._ ”


End file.
